it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
