Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
