I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
two words: eviction party
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
