We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
