Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
