We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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