pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
