just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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