If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
