everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
