On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
