As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
