how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
