I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
