he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
