not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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