why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
