Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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