The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
