if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
