Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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