Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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