so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
