i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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