In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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