wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
