What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
