Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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