hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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