I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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