Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
