That's when you crack a 10am beer
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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