Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
