maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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