all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
