so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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