the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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