do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
