Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
