Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
