Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
