I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
