I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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