So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
