i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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