dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
