I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
