I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
