So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
