I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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