Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
