I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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