I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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